Pooh and Piglet have a conversation about #EU #NHS

“How did you vote?”, asked Pooh
“Leave”, said Piglet
“Oh, for fuck’s sake”, said Pooh, “Why the fuck did you do that?”

“Because if we leave, then we’ll fix the NHS”
“We’re not going to fix the NHS, Piglet, that was all bollocks. All the people who told you to vote Leave are the very same people who want to privatise the fucking thing”
“Oh. But anyway there’s also those bloody Heffalumps”
“Yes, the bloody Heffalumps who keep coming to live in the wood, there are too many”
“But they do things for us, Piglet, and voting Leave won’t actually stop them coming anyway”
“Oh. But I just want to get back control of the wood”
“You fucktard. You never had control of the wood, you’re a fucking piglet. You’re just going to get even more fucked over by different people”

“Oh. But why did you want to Remain?”, asked Piglet
“I liked that everyone worked together, I felt safe”
“Is that all? You’re probably still safe”
“I also fancied going to live in a different wood one day, and maybe if I had kids they would too, but now maybe we can’t.”
“Oh. But we’ll have more honey to go around now…?”
“I’m afraid not, Piglet. We won’t have to give away any honey, but there’ll almost certainly be less to begin with”
“Oh. Well at least we’ve got rid of the pig-fucker, I didn’t like him”
“I can understand that, Piglet, but have you seen the next guy!? I have a feeling he’ll be doing more than just oral”
“Oh my. But they were going to build a huge scary super-wood”
“They never actually said that, and even if there were going to be a huge super-wood, would you rather be part of it, playing with all your new friends, or just outside it with nobody paying you any attention?”
“Oh, I see what you mean. But ours used to be the most important wood of all the woods”
“That’s true, Piglet, but that was well over a hundred fucking years ago now, and none of us were alive. You really need to get your head out of your arse”

“But our grandparents won the big war to protect our wood, we need to make sure we keep it safe”
“Actually, that’s a load of horse-shit. We won the big war to protect other people in other woods and to stop nationalist fuckers killing people because they were different. It showed that we’re safer if we all work together and stop thinking of each other as different”
“But the Heffalumps, I don’t like them, they’re not like us”
Piglet, you’re a fucking Piglet and I’m a stuffed Bear. We’re all different, that’s what makes the wood a fun place to live. You like Kanga don’t you? She’s different”
“But Kanga’s been here for ages and I like her food”
“Christ on a bike, Piglet, you are a fucking cockwomble”
“Beer?” asked Piglet
“You’re buying” said Pooh, “and I want pork scratchings”
“Oh my”



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